Welcome to episode 20 of Cock Tales Over Cocktails. A couple of quick things: this year we’re recording another live episode at the same convention at which we recorded an episode last year, so if you were there, keep an eye out for us on the schedule. We’re recording Saturday night at 9:30 and it’s going to be a hoot, with a secret special guest co-host at the table with us and a bunch of folks whose names you know in the audience alongside you. There will, of course, be a Q&A, and naturally I’ll be sneaking in my own mini-bar to keep us fueled up. Chuck and I are also going to be in Washington, DC, for Capital Pride June 9th through the 11th – as will Viktor! We’re going to be recording an episode together there, assuming we ever stop dancing and/or marching in the motherfucking streets.
Speaking of marching in the streets, in this episode, Chuck and I get fairly political and encourage people to stand up, do what’s right, combat hate, and make the world a better place. I absolutely believe that. I also acknowledge doing so is dangerous, and I honor anyone brave enough to risk themselves to show compassion to another. We joke a lot about how Chuck is on the Light Side of the Force and I’m on the Dark Side, but the truth is I suspect I’m only Dark Side because people have so often disappointed me when I wanted to believe in them. This past weekend, two men were murdered and a third seriously injured when they stood to defend two young women from a white supremacist on a train in Portland. This episode has no music. Instead, we offer a moment of silence at the beginning of the episode and at its end in honor of Taliesen Namkai-Meche, Ricky Best, and Micah Fletcher.
I know, I know, that was practically two months ago, and we’ve been dead quiet for a long time. Sorry! We’ve all gotten really involved in politics. I started a queer anti-fascist book club, attended by a bunch of people you hear us talk about every now and then, and I’ve been doing a lot more activism and protesting. Katja, Jordan, Chaim, and I all travelled to DC together for the Women’s March, and I’m going back in April for the Science March, possibly the Worker’s March, and definitely for Capital Pride in June, where Viktor and I will again dance the night away for equality.
I don’t want to take a ton of your time before this episode, but I do want to point out that Declan is pretty amazing, and it was so fun having him as my guest cohost. Episode 20 is actually already in the can, and it returns to our very first format, in the same bar where we recorded our very first episodes. We’re still looking for something special to do to commemorate our first year as a podcast, though, so if you have ideas give us a shout! You can always find us on Twitter, after all: @talesovertails.
It’s my sincerest hope that you’re not just surviving but thriving in 2017. I spent the holidays tremendously depressed about the incoming administration, and about the world in general. Now that Trump and his incompetent and corrupt and menacing circus is in full swing I find myself energized. Last time I said you hadn’t seen anything in terms of politics out of me, and so far that seems to be true. Chaim has to remind me on the regular that resisting Trump is a marathon, not a sprint, and he’s absolutely right. It just turns out I have more energy for marathons than I thought I did.
Anyway, stay strong, stay true to yourself, and if you wish the world were different than it is, do something to make it that way. Not everyone can march in the street. Not everyone can wave a sign. Some of you may be in circumstances such that you’re taking a risk just downloading this podcast and having it on your phone. I don’t ask that you do what I’ve done, because what I’ve done is what’s right for me. I ask that you do what you can, when you can, how you can, no matter what that is, and that you also save a little of yourself so you’ll be able to do something again later. There’s no such thing as making a small difference in the world. Whether you march in the streets, fist in the air, or you simply show kindness to someone, or provide a friendly ear, or reach out to someone else and let them know they’re not alone in their anger or fear or concern or pride, all those things make a difference. Look to yourself to know what you can do, and do that, and in my book you’ll be a hero.
And remember, as always, especially in times like these: be safe, but have fun.
I’m going to be honest and say there is nothing I could have anticipated about this week. I never would have believed Trump would win. (I’m not still sure I believe he did, at least not without some outside assistance.) I never would have believed I would have such strong, visceral, involuntary emotional reactions to it. I have wept and shouted and laid in bed and stared at the wall. I haven’t felt this way in a long time. I didn’t feel this strongly in 2000 – and I felt pretty fucking strongly.
What a year this has been for us. Pulse Nightclub in Orlando, and HB2 in North Carolina, House Bill 1523 in Mississippi, and #gaysfortrump, and now, on top of all that shit and suffering, Trump.
Chuck and I constantly joke about being reclassified as a political podcast when we mean to be a sex podcast. But maybe what we need right now is a political podcast. I look at what’s going on around me and I’m not reminded of the electoral college victory-on-a-technicality of Bush in 2000, but of the ascension of Reagan and his hokey bullshit narrative of an America that never was, and the way his charismatic hornswaggle of an administration led directly to the deaths of so many of us – of queer people, and people of color, and women, and how in the ‘80s it became normal somehow for television preachers mired in their own sex scandals to moralize about you and me and our attempts at honest lives.
The only fix, back then, was to get loud and to get organized and to refuse to back down from being who we were at every opportunity. The 1980’s taught us we would never change the world by asking nicely. I suspect the next 4 years are going to teach a whole new generation of queer kids – the kids who right now are scared to pieces, who are flooding the trans and queer lifelines with calls, who worry they’ll be required to transition back, or go into the closet, who are getting yelled at by classmates for the first times in their lives – I suspect those kids are going to learn how to be radicals real fucking fast.
I’m ready to join them. I’m ready to pick one or two specific things I want to achieve or freedoms I want to protect, and invest serious time and my own physical presence and energy to make sure those become reality and are kept safe. If you’re listening to this, odds are you are just as horrified by the phrase “President Trump” as Chuck or I. Some of the wider cast of this podcast – our friends Katja and Jordan and Chaim and Lara and Troy – I know some of them have also had overwhelmingly emotional responses. The common thread in all of them is wanting to do something. So start thinking now about what you’re afraid will go away, or what you want to see gained despite the inmates having taken over the asylum. Find other people who care about the same thing. Make a plan. Get involved. Effect change. Don’t be shy. Don’t wait for opportunities for change to come to y. As we say over and over, be safe, but have fun; in this case, be safe, but make a difference.
To that end, at least one friend and I are going to be launching a new podcast in the next few weeks, tentatively titled The Queer Feminist All-Faiths All-Peoples Anti-Fascist Book Club. We’ll pick up books about the rise of fascism in other settings in history, the history of queer organization, the history of oppression and its resistance, and how to organize and effect change safely and effectively.
If you thought our occasional forays into politics on the way to talking about blowjobs marked me as a radical, oh baby, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.
Welcome to Episode 17 of Cock Tales Over Cocktails! Chuck and I recorded a different episode 17, but the audio from it was unusable for boring technical reasons. Suffice to say, if you do a podcast of your own and your phone is your sound board, don’t. Forget. Airplane. Mode. All that is to say thank you for your patience. The good news is, that means episode 17 is our absolutely gargantuan episode of DragonCon 2016 coverage! Every year, Chuck and I go to DragonCon in Atlanta, Georgia, along with many other friends, some of whom you know: Katja and Jordan, Chaim and Lara, Peregrine Moore Rumpole, plus 77,000 other fellow geeks and nerds and other celebrants of the finest things in fandom. You may recall we discussed DragonCon in episode 9, but this time we got to do some recording in situ in Atlanta, Georgia, so buckle up while we get a little bitchy about a panel we attended on queer representation in speculative fiction, then we go out and hit the streets to bring you a couple of sexy stories, some of the sounds of DragonCon itself, a conversation with some awesome strangers, and our discovery of a mobile business venture called The Weed Wagon:
One of the remarkable things about DragonCon is the almost universality of cosplay at the convention. I love cosplay, even though I’ve only done it a couple of times. I love it for the opportunity it creates for someone to become their true self by adopting a fictional identity. In many ways it reminds me of what I hear when people describe their experience of doing drag. The right outfit becomes a whole new identity, and we all need the chance to be someone else for a while. Even as kids we get a little bit of education in that notion from the old Looney Tunes cartoon, “Bugs’ Bonnets,” in which Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd trade off roles of predator and prey when a theatrical costume company’s delivery truck scatters different hats all over the forest. Every day we get up and put on an identity and wear it to work, or to school, or down to the corner store. Every day we choose who we are to some degree. Most of us choose the same thing so many times we stop realizing it’s a choice, but it is still a choice. When I go to DragonCon, I see people choosing new identities for themselves and finding out what it’s like to be tough, or to be scary, or to be cute, or to be innocent, or to be adventurous. I think that choice of how we represent ourselves and that relationship – and that tension – between the identity we put on for the world and who we are in our heart of hearts is an essential part of the queer experience. Seeing a few thousand other people have that experience, some for the first time, is absolutely magical. (Special shout out to the Harvey Birdman from a couple of episodes back, at a different fandom convention, who we got to see walking around at DragonCon in his Harvey Birdman costume and his, um, legal briefs.)
But anyway, enough of my rambling. This week’s music is “Techno Turtle featuring Martin de Boer,” by Levihica, with full attribution in the show notes. And now, without further ado, let’s go to a quiet hotel room somewhere on the periphery of DragonCon.
Techno Turtle feat. Martijn de Boer (NiGiD) by Levihica (c) copyright 2015 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/Levihica/51425 Ft: Martijn de Boer (NiGiD)
Welcome back to our first-ever guest episode, with friends Peregrine Moore Rumpole and Jizelle! Last time we heard Peregrine’s and Jizelle’s stories of the most magnificent cocks they’ve ever seen. This week, the stories are Chuck’s and mine. Chuck tells the story of the most caring top he’s ever met, and I tell the story of a threesome gone shockingly right.
There’s actually a huge section from the middle of this episode we’ve removed. It was as long as fully half of the episode you’re about to hear, and it’s all about the science, medicine, and art of bottoming. I’ve kept the audio, because this is a topic Chuck and I both want to revisit. We may release this later as a stand-alone episode, or we may revisit the topic ourselves.
Like the show? Leave us a review on iTunes! Tell a friend! You know, a really good friend, the kind you can tell about your own naughty ways. Find us on Twitter or on Facebook at tales over tails (that’s t a l e s over t a i l s), or reach out and touch someone at 4 1 5, 5 4 5, 8 1 9 8, good for both voicemail and texting.
Oh – and as a sneak peak at a future discussion, the date I anticipated in this episode went really, really well.
This episode’s music is “Denied” by Admiral Bob, with full attribution in the show notes. And remember, like we always say: be safe, but have fun.
This is Dustin Calhoun, and welcome to an episode with a couple of different firsts for this podcast! First, I was a guest co-host for Episode 92 of Mating Habits of the Modern Geek, in which host Kelley and I discussed dating apps and our experiences with them, flipped some tables about privilege and progressive ideological purity, and played a dinner party game about dinner parties. I’ll put a link in the show notes, for sure, but after this be sure to head on over to matinghabitsofthemoderngeek.com to find Episode 92 and 91 other equally great episodes – in one of which I’m a pseudonymous correspondent sending letters from afar! Oooooooo!
Now, for the other big first for our podcast: this episode is the first time Chuck and I are joined by guests! Our good friends Peregrine Moore Rumpole and Jizelle were kind enough to join us this episode for a conversation on the most magnificent cock each of us has seen. We also of course make some inappropriate pop culture references and drink some drinks. This episode is actually so magnificently gargantuan it’s two episodes: this is the first half, and I’ll release the second half next week.
As I note at the start of the episode, I’m doing what I would call minimal editing of this episode. Let us know if that’s okay or if it sounds too unprofessional. You can find us on Twitter at @talesovertails or email us at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can also leave us a message or send us a text at 415.545.8198.
Now, welcome Jizelle and Peregrine to the microphones, and remember: be safe, but have fun.
Episode 92 of Mating Habits of the Modern Geek: http://matinghabitsofthemoderngeek.com/?p=1263
Music: Out There Somewhere feat. Kara Square by Levihica (c) copyright 2014 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/Levihica/47847 Ft: Kara Square, keytronic
This is Dustin Calhoun, and welcome to Episode 14 of Cock Tales Over Cocktails. I’m going to be honest, I wasn’t sure whether to release an episode this week as we’d planned to do. It feels wrong to be funny and sassy and sexy so soon after so many of our people were murdered for daring to be queer and happy in public. I’ve been kind of a wreck all week. While I have no personal connection to Pulse or to the people attacked there, that night I was out dancing in a gay bar, at a Pride celebration in DC. I was with my friend Viktor, of whom I speak in this episode, and we were enjoying feeling safe and free and strong in the wee hours of the morning. We sat over breakfast the next day in silence, staring at our phones and at the television just like the rest of the world.
It would feel more wrong to be silent, however. Chuck and I talk a lot in this show about making conscious choices, and “be safe but have fun” has obviously become our catchphrase. What we mean by those is that we each must make a decision for ourselves how to strike the balance between the risk of being actively queer and the reward of being our authentic selves. As queer people, we are always at risk of abuse, of attack, of discrimination, and even of death. We also have no choice, if we want to live full and honest lives in which our queerness empowers us rather than constrains us, but to face those risks. I don’t mean accept those risks, but I do mean to be aware of them when we go out into the world as the people we are rather than as someone less authentic, less open, and less subject to harm. Maybe talking about that risk is a bit of a buzzkill at the start of a podcast we make to entertain and educate rather than to inspire – but maybe that risk is also a part of what drives the passion we as queer people so often exhibit: passion for living, and for each other. When we are threatened, we throw ourselves into one another’s arms to find companionship and strength and love and escape. When we find each other, we make each other stronger.
What happened in Orlando proves queer people have not won: we have not won equality, we have not won our own safety, we have not won the simple right to go to one of our spaces, created for us, and dance the night away. Hope requires we keep trying, though. Our future is our own to make, and if we want it to be one in which we are open and loved and loving and joyous, we have to be the ones to build that future by the things we do now, and drag everybody else along with us. So I say we laugh. I say we have fun. I say we dish, and fuck, and have a drink, and poke fun at a world that sometimes hates us, and dance the fucking night away. I also say we organize. I say we volunteer, we lobby, we protest, we educate ourselves and others, we reach out, we demand equality and protections and changes to gun policies and to be heard and seen and respected.
It’s possible you’re one of the straight listeners to this podcast and you feel excluded when I talk of queers, or you think I mean only homosexuals, or only gay men. I don’t at all. “Queer” is a big word, with room in it for everyone. Trust me, if you’re listening to this podcast, you’re already queer, even if you identify as a straight ciswoman listening out of purely academic curiosity. When you decided to put into your brain these slivers of the lives of two gay guys obsessed with dick, you became at least a little queer. It’s that simple. You’re one of us now. Welcome to the party.
This episode is a largely unedited recording of a live, in-person panel Chuck and I did at a science fiction and fantasy convention a few weeks ago. We were both very nervous about doing this – nervous no one would show up, nervous too many people would show up, nervous we would be heckled by haters, nervous we would be making targets of ourselves in some way. It was scary starting this podcast in the first place: it was an order of magnitude more frightening to sit down in public where people could see our faces and be in the room with us and expect us still to be Dustin and Chuck. I am incredibly pleased to say it was a wonderful experience and I am so glad we did it. Many thanks to Chaim, Katja, and Jordan, all of whom were there in the audience, and to the other listeners who came to the panel (I don’t want to name you in case you, you know, don’t want to be named – but it was so wonderful meeting you!). The panel involved a set of risks Chuck and I talked about in advance and ultimately agreed were worth the potential reward. It paid off. In fact, the risk factor became what fueled my determination to see it through. How else could I best those fears if I didn’t face them?
That’s something we all have to ask ourselves. The answers are different for each of us, too, and there are no wrong answers. Be the people you want to be, as much as you can.
Be safe, but, for the sakes of the countless of our brothers and sisters who suffer for queerness every day, some to the point of death, for fuck’s sake, please also have fun.
As you may recall, Chuck and Dustin are fraternity brothers and this episode is ALL ABOUT FRATERNITY SEX! It’s also about what makes fraternities awful, and sometimes makes them great, and Dustin shares a favorite memory that is also one of his most embarrassing. Also, episode 14 is tentatively planned to be recorded in front of a live audience. How crazy is that? PRETTY CRAZY, that’s how crazy.
Welcome to Episode 12 of Cock Tales Over Cocktails! This episode we talk about men of the cloth, and straight men between the sheets. Questions of identity sure are tricky, aren’t they? I’m not sure we have any answers, but we do try to respect that identity itself is more of a journey than a destination. The music for this episode is POWER UP by Scomber, with full attribution in the show notes. Sorry about the delay on this episode – we had to rerecord it due to very poor audio quality. The good news is, episode 13 is already in the can and ready to go before I hit San Francisco next week for Bay to Breakers. Speaking of, if you’re going to be in the Bay area, give me a shout! Contact info is in the outro, after which you’ll find three delightful little outtakes.
This round we’d like to raise a toast to the older men who have made our lives so much better over the years, both in bed and out of it. I discuss a close call I had with a right winger, and Chuck and I record our first outdoor episode – so, sorry about the occasional wind noise. Speaking of right wingers, my home state of North Carolina just passed the nation’s most aggressively anti-trans and anti-queer legislation. If you listen to this podcast and enjoy it, to some degree or another that means the legislation is anti-YOU. If you aren’t queer – which, come on, this is a safe space, you can say it – then you’re sure as hell an ally. So get informed, and get involved, and lend a hand however you can. If we love each other, that love can only make us stronger. Chuck and I are certainly considering what we can do to respond. In the meantime, check out the ACLU of North Carolina and Equality North Carolina and the fight they’ve initiated to have House Bill 2 overturned. You can follow along on social media, hashtag #WeAreNotThis. I tried starting an additional hashtag of #ScrewYouIfYouAre, but it doesn’t seem to be taking off. This week’s music is “Dance in the Rain,” by Quarkstar, with full attribution in the show notes. Stick around after the outro for TWO outtakes from the show’s recording session. Now be a dear and hand me my votin’ gloves, because I’m ready to throw these bastards the fuck out.
In this episode, we take time for a detailed public service announcement about PrEP, or Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis. I tell the story of an ill-informed former colleague, Chuck recounts some very public seduction, and I share a story from my time on the stage. I’ve had allergies of late so at Chuck’s and Chaim’s requests I recorded myself saying a few things. Stick around after the outro for a few seconds of that silliness and for an outtake of Chuck having way too much fun with himself. This week’s music is “Getaway Deconstructed” by MC Jack in the Box, with full attribution in the show notes. If there’s a lesson from this week’s episode, it’s definitely: kids, don’t try this at home.
This episode we talk about all things DragonCon, our most favorite massive conglomeration of science fiction, fantasy, horror, gaming, and anime fandoms in one small part of Atlanta over Labor Day weekend; there’s a follow up on my plan to start going by Doctor Acula; and after the outro there’s another brief outtake. We’d also like to give a special shout out to Mating Habits of the Modern Geek, a fine podcast, to which I once submitted one of my own experiences. This episode’s music is “Connected” by ghosts4hire, with full attribution in the show notes. Now roll for initiative, barbarian. Let’s get this party started.
This week we’re answering a couple of listener questions, including defining the overlapping region of men we both find attractive on the Venn diagram of our respective types. I rail against the Denver Broncos of 30 years ago, Chuck runs down the list of his five hottest Super Bowl players, we talk about a couple of favorite moments from the game, and then we dive into the cock tales proper: Chuck’s run in with a defensive lineman and my surprisingly public encounter with a basketball player back in the day. This week’s music is All the World, featuring Snowflake, by Levihica, with full attribution below. Now someone please tell me all sports are on indefinite hiatus forever.
Up for discussion: a question from a listener; Chuck’s first time bottoming; and Dustin’s accidental date in the middle of a sex club. Just a reminder, if you like what you’re hearing, rate us on iTunes. You can email us at email@example.com or find us on Twitter. We’re on Facebook as Cock Tales Over Cocktails, and we have a phone number: 415 545 8198. Leave us a message or send us a text. (Let’s just say it was a very good day for texts.) After the outro, an example of why we record the intro sober. And now, join Chuck and me mid-conversation as we get cranked up over names and movie characters.
Welcome to Episode 6 of Cock Tales Over Cocktails! In this episode: some new drinks with old ingredients, an abrupt location change prior to minute 12:00, Dustin’s worst hookup, bad pillow talk, and Chuck’s favorite fur. Stick around for an outtake after the outro! This episode’s theme music is “After she had mentioned the rib things turned sour between them and heart problems ensued” by annabloom, with full attribution in the show notes. Like what you hear? Review us on iTunes! Now please, for the sake of my so-called butch voice and your ears, won’t some sugar daddy out there build me a recording studio?
Music: After she had mentioned the rib things turned sour between them and heart problems ensued by annabloom (c) 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/annabloom/34696 Ft: Cybarflint, Debbizo, HEJ31, MindMapThat!, Sprezza
Welcome to Episode Five of Cock Tales Over Cocktails. In this episode: Chuck’s worst, my New Year’s, and some soap boxing about gym creepers. This episode’s theme music is “AUTOMATEDMADNESS (p w y g mix)” by duckett, with full attribution in the show notes. Like the show? Leave us an iTunes review! You can even call us at 415.545 8198
AUTOMATEDMADNESS (PWYGmix) by duckett (c) 2011 Licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution Noncommercial (3.0) license. http://dig.ccmixter.org/files/duckett/34039 Ft: Loveshadow, Scomber, MindMapThat!, Corsica’s GF
Welcome to Episode Four of Cock Tales Over Cocktails. In this episode: bears in California, letting it all hang out in nature, surprise romance, and new equipment. This episode’s theme music is “All Rights Reserved” by copperhead. Now pour a cocktail before I die of thirst!